Rest in Peace
by Chellu
Summary: What would have happened if Draco Malfoy decided he’d rather die than be forced to take someone else’s life? A cliche title, perhaps, but it does the job. Contains themes of suicide and homosexuality, thus the rating.
1. My Own Choice

Rest in Peace

Author's Note: A few things before we get into the story… I do this for fun. It's not my goal to write the best fan fiction that ever was, so if it sucks, I'm sorry. You have been warned. D: This story was inspired by the song "Jumper" by Third Eye Blind. The original included a line from the lyrics, but I took it out because I believe that is against the guidelines. My guess is that it isn't in the public domain? And that is all. Hopefully you'll like the story okay and won't try to blind yourself by the end. Thanks in advance for any reviews.

Warning: Contains themes of suicide and homosexuality. Also, spoilers for book six, in case that matters anymore.

Chapter One: My Own Choice

Harry Potter made his way up to the Astronomy Tower, carefully concealed beneath his invisibility cloak. He had been watching Draco Malfoy on the Marauder's Map and now, finally, he was doing something suspicious that Harry could maybe catch him at. When he'd seen Draco's dot traveling up there, he thought it would be his chance. Harry had left Ron snoozing, quickly pulled on his cloak, and left Gryffindor Tower.

It hadn't taken him too long to reach the top of the Astronomy Tower. He stopped when he had come to the top of the stairs. He looked around for Draco, but didn't see him. At least, not at first.

Harry took three steps forward and then stopped again. There was Draco… standing on the edge of the Astronomy Tower platform, gripping the railing so tightly his hands were turning white and red.

Tears were streaming down Draco's face, turning his normal paleness splotchy and pink. His hair was shining in the moonlight, silvery and bright.

Then Draco stepped over the railing and stood on the other side of it, the only thing keeping him up was his grip on the wood behind him.

Harry leapt forward, flinging off his cloak. "No!" he cried. "Don't do it!"

Draco was startled, but managed to keep his grip on the railing and not fall to his death. He looked around behind him, saw Harry, and scowled horribly.

"Oh great," he said, wearily, but still with a snarl of hatred. "Come to watch me die, then, have you Potter?"

Harry ran over to the railing. "Don't do it, Malfoy," he said. "I didn't come- I mean I thought you were up to something, but-"

"But what? You've been spying on me, haven't you?" Draco asked. "I'm not stupid, you know. Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore. I'll be out of your hair soon enough."

"Look, it's not like I like you or anything, we've been at it for years, but I don't want you to _kill_ yourself!" Harry burst out. "Whatever your problem is, this can't be the right answer!"

"Save it, Potter!" Draco said, glaring deeply at Harry. "Don't even bother! I don't want your help, I don't need to be saved. This is my own choice."

"W-will you at least tell me _why_?" Harry asked.

Draco smirked. "Why should you care?"

"I don't!" Harry said at once. "But someone else might. Like Dumbledore… or your mother."

The mention of Draco's mother seemed to calm him just a little. "Fine," he spat. "You really want to know, so you can tell my mother why I offed myself? Fine. I just decided that I'd rather _die_ than go on the way I have been. You've got to know the truth by now, Potter. I'm a Death Eater. I've been given the task of _killing_ Dumbledore. You think I want to do that, do you? Well, I don't. I'd rather just die."

Harry was staring at Draco in shock, his mouth slightly agape. Finally, he said, "You were going to … to kill Dumble… but you couldn't. Not even Voldemort can kill Dumbledore, that's why he fears him. How'd he expect _you_ to do it?"

"Why do you think I'm killing myself?" Draco snarled.

"But you haven't actually… tried have you?" Harry asked.

Draco shrugged a little as best he could. "Not really."

"And you would rather end it all… end your own precious life… than kill Dumbledore?" Harry asked, still incredulous. "But if you're a Death Eater… I don't understand…"

"Did you ever think that maybe I didn't _want_ to be a Death Eater?" Draco asked, harshly. "Did you ever think that maybe _he_ just decided to give me the mark?"

"But I thought you were proud," Harry said.

Draco grimaced. "Hardly," he said, softly. "Now if you're quite done, I'd like to go ahead and die in peace now."

"No!" Harry said, stepping forward again. "There's got to be a better way," he said. "Why don't you tell Dumbledore the truth? I know he can help you."

"Oh yes, why don't I just tell Dumbledore that I'm a Death Eater and was planning to kill him," Draco said sarcastically. "That sounds spectacular."

"He would help you," Harry said again.

"I don't care," Draco said. His eyes had become glassy, vague. "But I never meant for things to be this way. Good bye."

Draco let go of the railing.

Harry's wand was out in a flash and he thought, as hard as he could, _Levicorpus!_

Moments later, Draco's body came dangling up over the railing. Harry set it down on the astronomy tower floor and kneeled next to him. He had fainted, but he was still alive.

Harry picked up Draco's body and found it to be extremely light. He wondered if Draco had stopped eating or something. With determination, he carried him down to the hospital wing.


	2. No Reason

Rest in Peace

Author's Note: I just wanted to mention that I feel the characters are kind of out of character in this story. But I think they have to be that way a little bit for the plot to even be plausible. Anyway, this is a short chapter that involves mostly talking. Thanks to everybody who has been reading!

Warning: Contains themes of suicide and homosexuality. Also spoilers for book six.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his friends (and enemies) belong to JK Rowling.

Chapter Two: No Reason

When Draco Malfoy woke up, he found sunlight streaming through a window to his left. It filtered golden through the glass and then splashed across a figure that was sitting near his bed. It was someone with dark hair that shimmered a little in the sunlight, someone with glasses through which the light glinted, someone who was sleeping gently, their chest rising and falling with the rhythm of their breathing.

Draco frowned deeply. Who was that? Where was he? Was he dead at last?

He blinked several times and tried to turn his head to take in his surroundings, but he only manage to move his eyes. He finally realized that he was in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. Still alive, then. Or maybe he was dead and this was some strange sort of afterlife.

He looked back at the person sitting next to his bed and received a slight jolt when his brain finally registered that it was Harry Potter.

What in the world would Harry be doing at his bedside? Then it returned to him in a rush. The Astronomy Tower, his talk with Harry, the way Harry had said that Dumbledore could help him, letting go of the railing, the falling… and then blackness.

He suddenly felt very angry. Harry had saved his life. He wanted to hex him, but found that he felt like lead and couldn't move.

As though he sensed something, Harry blinked himself awake. He looked at Draco and then smiled.

"Oh you're awake!" he said, sounding excited. "That's great!"

Draco glared at him. "I can't move," he said. "Otherwise I'd have hexed you already."

Harry bit his lip. "I thought you'd be angry," he said.

Draco raised a slight eyebrow. "What do you want? Can't you just leave me alone?"

"Don't you want to know what happened?" Harry asked.

Draco frowned. "I know what happened. You decided to play hero as usual and save my life, even though you had no reason to. But because you are the purest person who ever lived, you decided to spare the life of a confessed Death Eater. Good job, I hope you're happy with yourself."

"You don't have to be a Death Eater," Harry said, simply.

Draco huffed and turned his face away as best he could, which wasn't really very good at all. "I don't want your help. I wish you would've just let me die."

"No, I don't think you really do," Harry said.

"Won't you please just leave me alone? I don't want to see or talk to you," Draco said, still trying to turn away. "If I could move… why can't I move?"

Harry actually blushed. "Madame Pomfrey decided to petrify you, just in case you woke up when no one was around and tried to… well…" he trailed off.

"Tried to kill myself again?" Draco finished for him. "Well, that was thoughtful."

Harry's blush turned into a flush of anger. "You know, you could try being grateful."

This was probably one of the worst things he could have said. Draco fumed. "Grateful?!" he demanded, his voice hard with anger. "You want me to be _grateful_?! Clearly my life has become something akin to torture, something I no longer want to be a part of and instead of letting me end the pain, you lot decide to force me to remain alive to endure it even longer. Yes, I suppose I ought to be grateful!"

Harry grimaced. "Fine," he said, rather quietly. "Next time I see that you're about to commit suicide, I will be sure not to stop you."

As Harry made his way out of the hospital wing, Draco called after him, "Good! If you did that, then maybe I'd be grateful!"

Madame Pomfrey seemed to have heard this commotion, for she came out of her office and tutted over Draco, who snapped at her irritably.

"I'm totally fine, will you please let me out?" he demanded.

"I can't just let you go yet," she said. "You're still too pale. And anyway, I think the headmaster would like to speak with you first."

"Well, I don't want to speak with him," Draco said.

Madame Pomfrey ignored this and exited the hospital wing, undoubtedly on her way to fetch Dumbledore.

It wasn't long before she returned with the old wizard, who looked a tad haggard, but whose tired façade smoothed when he came to Draco's bedside.

"It's good to see you're awake, Draco," Dumbledore said with a smile.

Draco snorted. "I suppose Potter's already told you all about me, eh?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "Harry told me you tried to jump off the Astronomy Tower and that he managed to save you."

Draco peered at Dumbledore unhappily. "And that's all he said?"

"Yes," Dumbledore replied. "Was there more he should have told me?"

Draco stared at Dumbledore for several seconds, thinking about his options. He remembered what Harry had said… that Dumbledore would help him. But did he really want help? Did he even deserve it?

"Why are you being nice to me?" Draco asked, suddenly. "You don't owe me anything."

Dumbledore smiled a little. "I am the Headmaster of Hogwarts," he said. "I care about all of my students, Draco. It seems to me that you have found your life a little unbearable and that concerns me very much."

"It's got nothing to do with Hogwarts," Draco said, sharply. "This is my own affair."

"If we were to give you back your ability to move, would you try to harm yourself again?" Dumbledore asked, softly, his smile gone.

Draco smirked. "If I said no, would you believe me?"

Dumbledore seemed to consider this. "Yes," he said at last.

"Then you're a fool," Draco said. "I'm a liar, you know, and a good one. I've been fooling all of you for years, haven't I? No one knows the truth about me, not one living soul. Why can't you just let me end it?"

"Because I want you to see that it doesn't have to be this way," Dumbledore said. "You don't need to end your life in order to end your pain."

"Whatever you think you know about my pain, you're wrong," Draco said, bitterly.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "Do you mean to tell me that you don't fake your hatred for the other students? That you don't put on airs because that's what your family has raised you to do? That you don't care about what happens to the rest of us? That you truly support Lord Voldemort?"

Draco winced at the name, though it was feeble due to the petrification that was still rendering him mostly immobile. "You don't know anything," he hissed.

"Maybe I don't," Dumbledore said. "But I think that perhaps someone else does. And maybe you can learn to be friends with that person and tell them more about how you feel."

"If you mean Potter, you're out of your mind," Draco said, angrily. "That prat saved my life. That was the last thing I wanted. I didn't tell him anything because I wanted him to spare me! And anyway, we've been enemies for years. I have no reason to be friends with him now."

"No reason? Not even the fact that you _have_ told him things you didn't think you'd ever tell another soul?" Dumbledore asked.

"So he _did_ tell you!" Draco said.

"No," Dumbledore said. "I simply deduced that you had said things to him before you jumped by what you asked me earlier."

"I won't be friends with Potter," Draco said. "Not now. I offered."

Dumbledore blinked with surprise. "Did you?"

"First year," Draco said. "He refused."

"Perhaps it was your method of delivery that he found disagreeable," Dumbledore said.

"I don't care," Draco spat. "I just don't care. Please… please go away."

"As you like," Dumbledore said. "But think on it, Draco."

Draco tired again to turn away as Dumbledore left. There was no way he'd be friends with Harry Potter. No way at all.


End file.
